Since you left
by Wica
Summary: Their mission to take out Shredder did not go as planned, so Leonardo comes up with a plan for retreat. The plan results with Leonardo fighting, Raphael following orders and Michelangelo crying, all while Donatello is unconscious. They make it home, but for what price?
1. Prolouge

During the latest two weeks me and my sister has been watching (more than we should) Teenage mutant ninja turtles. I'm currently watching the series from 1987, I've already seen every episode from 2012 (the one's that has come out) plus I've seen a movie so far. I can absolutely say I've fallen for the series.

So here's the introduction to my new fanfiction and my first for TMNT. I'm counting this one to be 5 chapters + this introduction. No couples! :O Wow… never thought I'd write anything without romance or "half-romance" at least. Nope.

Disclaiming the ownership of Ninja turtles. I wouldn't even dream of owning the series, I would probably ruin it if I owned it.

I do not want to give any warnings to you, but I'm fighting for lots of angst in this one. I hope you enjoy reading this! On with the fanfiction!

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Since you left

The turtles' lair had never been this quiet. There was supposed to always be some kind of noise. Either there was Donatello talking excitedly about his latest invented device, the sounds from the pinball game Raphael would play or Leonardo practicing with his swords. Or at least Michelangelo would be heard laughing loudly at something random.

But there was not, no sound at all, other than the exception of the silent steps that approached the living room slowly. Raphael was the first one to step into the living room, carrying an unconscious Donatello in his arms.

The red masked turtle was covered in bruises and cuts, some dries blood was seen below his lower lip. Donatello was in no better shape. Actually he was looking even worse than Raphael and that's saying something, especially the incredibly untreated wound on his head, seeing as to how it had knocked his brother out immediately. Even if weak, he gripped the remains of his broken stick in his hand, refusing to let it go.

Raphael stepped forward to cautiously lay him down onto the couch. Donatello looked so peaceful, with the exception of seeing all of his dried wounds and purple bruises, lying there on the couch, unknowing of what has just happened.

Michelangelo stepped up to stand next to Raphael, but he did not look at him, not even as a quick glance. He, as well, were covered in many bruises and wounds. His eyes were red and puffy; one could see that he had been crying not long ago. So has Raphael, but he had calmed down and had stopped crying sooner compared to his youngest brother. Soon, they supposed and believed, it would be Donatello's turn to cry. Right now, he needed sleep. What news were coming are not easy to take in.

"It's your fault," whispered Michelangelo suddenly. Raphael turned to stare at him, speechless.

His fault?

He supposed that's true; perhaps he really was responsible for the outcome of this mission. He'd chosen not to go against orders, he'd chosen not to help him but instead to fight to get his brothers to safety, he'd chosen to believe and trust.

'It's your fault', those extremely hurtful words spun around in his head and he felt nausea washing at him. There was always the option of shouting at Michelangelo and telling his brother how it had not been his fault. It really hadn't! He just had to follow orders. But he didn't, instead he stayed silent.

With the loss of saying anything, Raphael spun around to walk away to his room. Michelangelo stayed still with Donatello, looking over the couch down at his sleeping brother. Just then awoke Donatello with a groan. Perfect timing. He sits up and places a hand on top of his head where he'd been hit out cold. With a puzzled look between his two brothers, he asks:

"What happened? Where's Leonardo?" At his latter question Raphael could hear Michelangelo sob loudly and start crying again, and he figured it was up to him to give Donatello the bad news.


	2. Chapter 1

Please give me your thoughts of this. Help is appreciated, especially with grammar and other silly mistakes.

Disclaimer is in the former chapter/introduction/epilogue.

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Chapter 1

Three brothers sat in the living room. The only sound that was heard was the news reporter, who was talking about some new crime event that had been going on around the center of New York.

Raphael looked like as if he was ready to burst and break the television screen in two halves with his sai. He and his brothers had not been on a single mission, not once, since Leonardo's death. Even though their training has not stopped, in fact it has gotten much more intense, Raphael longs for something more than just regular training in the dojo. Watching when the bad guys' gets away with bank robbery, or when the news reporter tells the channel's watchers about some evidence from some new mutant, makes Raphael's insides twist and he does not look happy. He misses kicking the bad guys' butts in a fight, he misses disappearing from a crime scene like he had not been around in the first place and he misses working as a team with his brothers.

Right now, and like they usually do during their afternoons, his two brothers sit a few seats away from him, although they aren't watching the TV. Donatello sits closest to him, only a few seats away. He is working with some new invention of his. Raphael does not really know what it is for, nor does he care for the moment, but he's sure it will be neat when it was done. A few seats away from Donatello, and even further away from Raphael, is Michelangelo resting on the floor reading an action comic book.

Raphael sighs inwardly. This is the opposite of being a ninja, or "the heroes of justice" as Leonardo used to say a couple of times before they ran into a fight. It seems so long ago. Look at them now. No one would ever guess they are badass ninjas, with the exception if they wouldn't notice their armor and weapons. Right now they're just some mutants hanging in the sewers, watching TV and reading comic books.

Rather pathetic, don't you agree?

Raphael lets his attention wander away from the screen, which is temporarily showing the weather news, and glances over to his youngest brother, who has rolled over to lie on his stomach with the comic placed on the floor in front of him. Since no one is looking at Raphael, no one can see the despair in his eyes. Ever since… then, Michelangelo is avoiding him, he refuses to even utter a word to him. It's hard to know that your brother hates you. It pains you; it's a pain on a whole other level.

_"Mikey!" Raphael marched over with quick steps to Michelangelo, who ignored him and continued walking. Maybe it was just his imagination, but Michelangelo seemed to speed up when his name was called out. Raphael frowned, gritted his teeth and grabbed his brother's shoulder, making him stop in the progress._

_"I'm talking to you, dummy! Don't ignore me," he said, still frowning. Michelangelo got turned around by his red masked brother to face him, though he refused to look Raphael directly in the eyes. His eyes were hooded and somewhat impatient; one could see he wanted to be somewhere else instead of talking to his brother. This only worked Raphael up further._

_"This is getting stupid, stop it," he said harshly, before thinking about his choice of words. This actually made Michelangelo glance at Raphael indifferently, but quickly looked away again. Raphael sighed and calmed himself down. He didn't stop Michelangelo just to get annoyed at him; he really needed to talk to him. Rather, it was Donatello's idea, but he thought it was a good one and a necessary one as well._

_"Right, sorry. You're not stupid Mikey, okay? But listen here now, you gotta' snap out of it," he said. He sounded worried when he talked; this was true, he was worried for his youngest brother's mental health. Michelangelo wasn't himself and it killed him. He feared he would stay being like this, quiet and withdrawn._

_"I— we miss your old self. Can't you try to smile again? And, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'll let you win over me in a fight if it makes you happier?" Raphael tried his best to sound relaxed and let a slight smile be seen on his face. Michelangelo glanced once again up at his brother. He seemed to think over the offer for a while, but eventually he shook his head and avoided eye contact. Raphael sighed once again._

_"Listen, Mikey. I know you're upset over Leonar—, "he stopped when he saw the sudden wrath in Michelangelo's eyes. In a second Michelangelo had slapped away Raphael's hand from his shoulder, turned around hastily and run away from his brother._

_Raphael was left alone, at first confused over the action, but soon understood why Michelangelo had done this. Talking about Leonardo and his death was not optional. He was stupid enough to forget this unwritten rule. He let his own head hang down low, his eyes facing the floor gloomily as he regretted every single word he'd just uttered to his brother. He was supposed to sort their temporarily relationship out, instead he only made it worse. Could Michelangelo possibly hate him more than he did right now?_

_Donatello walked up to him and stopped at his side. He was quiet._

_"You're a fool," Donatello said after a couple of minutes. This was not meant to be mean, just a fact. Raphael knew this and agreed with his brother, he indeed was a fool. A fool for anger Michelangelo further, to hurt him and sadden him even more. Raphael let a halfheartedly laugh slip past his lips as his lips were formed into a smile, although not a happy smile, far from it. It felt forced._

_"You're the only one who can still talk to Mickey. Tell me the truth Donatello," Raphael said with his words full of guilt and wretchedness. "Does he blame me for Leo's death?"_

_Donatello was quiet for another couple of minutes, before speaking up in a silent manner: "Yes, he does. But neither me nor master Splinter do"_

The news finally ends and Raphael decides to turn the TV off, since he's sure he won't be interested in whatever will be on. He's wrong though. Right before the moment where Raphael almost presses the button which would make the screen black out, the opening song of "Space heroes" is heard. He lets the TV still be on.

He doesn't really like the show that much really, although he doesn't dislike it either. He likes to watch it though, because it's a nice memory of Leonardo. Some months before their last mission, Raphael gradually opened up for the kid's show. He would sit together with Leonardo during breaks and watch the space crew fight monsters. Later on they would eventually say the lines out loud along with the characters. Raphael liked to mimic the monsters, deranging his voice when he did so. Leonardo would always mimic the captain, trying to sound courageous and macho when he did so, but it just ended up with Raphael laughing at him. Then they would laugh at how stupid they sounded and how lame the lines actually were.

Now Raphael mumbles out the lines by himself; at some points he forgets some of the words, but he doesn't care enough to correct himself. He avoids saying the captain's lines. He never needed to learn them.

After some couple of minutes Michelangelo gets up from his seat and walks away with his comic book still in hand to read it elsewhere. He mutters something inaudible about the show. Donatello looks after him concerned, then at a sulking Raphael who continues mumbling the lines out loud along with the show's background characters.

…

Hit after hit landed against the punching bag, one of the smaller they kept in the dojo. It swung around a little by the force of his knuckles, flew back towards Raphael threatening to punch him back, but flew once again away from his frowning face.

Every time the bag flew back towards him and sung around before ready itself for the next hit, it seemed to Raphael like it was mocking him. It was his enemy for the moment and he wasn't strong enough to beat him. With every punch he hit the bag harder and harder.

His hand missed the spot he was aiming for and hurt his hand slightly in the progress. He growled at the bag. The bag laughed back at him, in his mind that is. He studied his wrist for a moment, studying to see if he'd hurt anything. Though the wrist didn't seem hurt, so he continued.

Suddenly a thought, a memory, came in mind. He remembered Leonardo standing next to him, clenched fists in front of his face, a hunching figure and a friendly smile towards Raphael.

_"Listen, you're doing it wrong. You're supposed to grip your hands like this and stretch out your arm when punching the enemy. It's much more effective to hurt the insides. No, no! Not like that! Here, let me show you," he had said and demonstrated how to do it the right way._

The punches stops for a moment as Raphael thinks back at that moment. After some seconds he decides to try it out. He clenches his fists, hunches slightly with his body and blows a punch against the bag. It doesn't swing around as much as it did earlier, in fact it hardly moved at all.

What was this technique good for anyway? It rarely moved!

This annoyed him. He ignored Leonardo's advice in close combat skills and started hitting the punching bag in his own way again. Hit after hit after hit, harder and harder and harder. Until the punching bag broke in the middle, the lower half falling down to the floor and it's spilling spreading around his feet.

He stares at it for a moment before snorting annoyed.

"I like it better when they lie on the ground unconscious, instead of hurting them inside and probably kill them slowly. That's not really fair, is it Leo?" he mumbles, before walking away from the destroyed punching bag with a frown displayed on his face.


	3. Chapter 2

Thank you for reading this fanfiction. I appreciate it greatly you know! I have lots of excuses for why I haven't written this chapter faster, but I'll keep them to myself. Although simply put, I have not been in the mood for writing…

Now, please enjoy the flashback. :) Also, real quick 'bout the "booyakasha" in the chapter… I kind of like it more than "cowabunga", that's why I went with it.

Disclaiming the ownership of TMNT.

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Chapter 2

The plan and so also mission was to face Shredder and once and for all take him down. It had not gone like they've wanted. In fact, this was far worse than Leonardo had expected.

Although it was hard to notice because of the alarm ringing loudly in their ears, the blades made chilling noises when making contact, over and over. Even though his katana was mostly still whole and sound, which was a miracle seeing as how hard his opponent attacked with his own, Leonardo found it for once extremely difficult to beat the enemy. His brothers probably and most likely thought of this too. And it was not even Shredder nor was it Karai that they faced. It was simple foot ninja, no different from the ones before, except for the fact that these were far much stronger. They had been fighting for some time now; it seemed like every time they knocked out one opponent, another came to face them. Although now, finally, the opponents were decreasing; not many were still standing at the moment.

Leonardo frowned, concentration on the ninja that rushed towards him with a sword in his hands. This battle needed to end. Needless to say, both were getting weary and tired of this. With a swift change of his feet's position, he rounded the foot ninja and struck him with his blade through his neck. A bit brutal perhaps, but at least the ninja fell down and stopped fighting him. Finally he could breathe out and take a look at their situation.

They were fighting in a long corridor against some foot ninjas. The alarm still rang loudly in their ears and the flashing lights from the lamps painted the white walls and floor with a layer of red every time it blinked. The flashing light of red matched the stains of an even darker red on the floor, pouring from and also leading to the either out cold or dead ninjas. Many has been defeated, the ones that were still up and conscious were currently fighting his brothers.

Raphael fought two ninjas at the same time, but Leonardo did not have the energy right now to go help him. Also, Raphael's enemies looked pretty tired by now and it wouldn't take long before they'd be beaten, there was no desperate need for Leonardo to get involved in his fight.

Further away in the corridor fought Michelangelo another ninja, while desperately defending an unconscious Donatello who was lying on the floor. Although it defiantly was a distance between Leonardo and his out cold brother, he could see the big wound in his head clearly, the one that had firmly confirmed that he was no longer standing during the fight. Michelangelo had jumped in without hesitation to protect his brother the moment he'd fallen down.

"Leo!" Raphael shouted and knocked out a ninja, one left to go. No biggie. "What should we do?"

The sudden shout distracted Michelangelo for a second and so the enemy took his chance. He was hit in the face and soon he felt warm blood trickling down his lower lip. However this did not stop him letting out a loud "Booyakasha!" and, with nunchucks held high in the air, countering with a hard strike. The enemy was hit in the head hard as he then fell down sideways onto the floor. At the same moment Michelangelo's opponent did so, Raphael's did that as well.

Michelangelo took a moment to collect his breath and looked over to where his brothers were standing. He waved at them with a gentle smile on his lips, he was replied to with a wave from Leonardo. Then they stopped acknowledging him and looked at each other instead. He turned around to run further down the corridor and look after Donatello. Someone needed to look after him and so it'd become Michelangelo's duty. It sure had been hard, looking after both his and Donatello's shells while attacking and beating down ninja who seemed to arrive all the time.

"Well? What's the plan?" Raphael frowned and looked at Leonardo. Their leader felt taken aback and did not meet his brother's gaze. He had yet to come up with a plan.

Leonardo turned away from Raphael and glared down the corridor, looking out for ninjas. Since they come here it was finally them who were waiting for the enemy to appear. Although honestly, it was not a pleasant feeling; this only unnerved Leonardo further. They- Leonardo did not have much time left to come up with a plan, seeing as to how long to alarm has been shouting.

He thought through all different options they had in the current moment. The exit was lodged quite far away. Ninjas were probably not only on their way to this very corridor, but also situated all over the building. All in all, there was a small chance they all would get out of here.

And then it struck him.

Although with his back's turned to Raphael, he said: "I will proceed alone. I shall lure them away from you and then you take the chance to get out of here."

"What?" Raphael replied, who was kicking a squirming ninja on the floor in the stomach and hadn't really paid all of his full attention to what his brother had said, although he had heard him. He then raised his head to look up at Leonardo and frowned at him, disbelieving what he'd just heard.

"Are you crazy?" he asked and snorted. When Leonardo didn't reply to this, Raphael raised his voice. "We will not leave you!" he said.

Leonardo sighed and talked with a strict but calm voice. "Donatello is unconscious, Michelangelo can't keep up much longer and you are pretty beaten up badly yourself. We can't do this anymore."

He then lowered his head and spoke with a quieter voice. "At this rate no one is coming home to master Splinter." He turned around to face Raphael who was staring at him, still disbelieving what Leonardo was saying. His brother seemed pretty upset, Leonardo however seemed very determined about this and stubbornness was shown in his narrowed eyes.

"I am going in, alone. This is our plan and my order."

"That's no plan! It's freaking suicide!" Raphael shouted angrily. Why would he go through with that? He stopped motionless, with his mouth hung agape, as realization hit him and he stared at Leonardo.

This was all just to save his brothers' life. Therefore Leonardo is prepared to risk his own life.

"Yes, I know that…" Leonardo replied quietly. "Now, get out of here. Quickly"

"Leo!"

Then the most unreasonable and irritable action happened, which honestly shattered Raphael's heart. Leonardo smiled at him. It was the saddest smile to be seen, a smile knowing and being fully aware of the end that was soon to come. His hands were gripping his katana hard, but still a low chuckle escaped him, although forced.

"I'll come back. Trust me," he said. Was he trying to comfort Raphael? To tell him everything was to be okay? Because it didn't help. Raphael could do nothing else than stare at Leonardo, speechless.

"If you don't even believe yourself… how can I?"

"Wait…" Both Raphael and Leonardo turned their attention towards Michelangelo who was now to acknowledge their conversation. Seeing as how far away he sat from them, he hadn't heard what they'd been talking about, with the exception of the times when Raphael had been shouting which he really hadn't listen too. He was holding Donatello in a protecting embrace, one hand under his head and the other around his body while holding a pair of nunchucks, ready to defend his brother if more ninja were to come. His blue eyes were looking at his brothers curiously, still so innocent as they always has been.

"What is going on? What is Leo going to do?" he asked, clueless and unaware of the situation's tense atmosphere. Raphael could not bear to look at his youngest brother no more, so he let his head hang low as he with hurt in his eyes looked at the floor, thoughts racing through his head. Leonardo did however meet Michelangelo's eyes and perhaps that was all it took for the youngest of the brothers to also realize and understand.

Along with the alarm Michelangelo did only hear his own heart beat faster and faster as he understood clearer and clearer of what was going on. He started shaking his head, at first in disbelief and soon in slight terror, trying desperately to get the thought of out his head, but it stayed. He dropped Donatello on the floor as he stood up. His body trembled as he yelled with tears quickly appearing in the corners of his eyes.

"No… NO! Leo!" He panicked, although he did not move from his spot next to Donatello. He cried this over repeatedly while shaking his head furiously. "No, no, no, no, no, no! You can't!"

Leonardo turned to Raphael and spoke with lowered voice.

"Take care of them until I come back," he gave a faint smile, which disappeared just as quickly, and then he turned around. His swords were gripped tightly in his hands as he breathed in and out, preparing himself mentally for his destiny. He knew this was the right thing to do, although it hurt.

Raphael still did not move, he continued to stare at his brother. He wished for this to not be real, all of them did. But it was, oh, it was so very real.

Faraway steps could finally be heard in another corridor; more ninja would soon be here. The waiting was over. Leonardo looked as Raphael, who still did not move, over his shoulder and frowned.

"You know I'm the only one who can do this. Now leave!" he ordered. He received a hurried nod and a pair of upset and frightened eyes.

Raphael got up and hurried over to Michelangelo, who was still crying out loud about how Leonardo could not go, he just couldn't! Tears flooded from his eyes, soaking his cheeks. When he noticed Raphael coming closer him he panicked even more. He struggled against Raphael's firm hold around him which refused to let Michelangelo go no matter what. This did not stop Michelangelo to keep struggling. Struggling to go to Leonardo and fight with him; struggling against reality; struggling against what he knew would be coming, about the horrifying end of their bonds and family. But Raphael refused to let go of Michelangelo while he at the same time also scooped up Donatello to carry him with his other arm. He then ran down the corridor, searching for an exit.

Leonardo smiled and exhaled. They would be safe now at least. He took his last minute of rest as he then ran to meet his enemies to keep them away from following his brothers by all cost.

…

What hurts the most?

Does having the news told for the first time hurt the most? Or does it hurt the most when it's repeated to you, making you remember everything so clearly in your head? Or does it hurt the most, when it's you who is telling the news?

Donatello stared at Raphael, speechless and motionless. Raphael sat next to him on the couch, not facing him; that'd be too painful if he did. Still, Donatello seemed to seek something from his brother, perhaps something like comforting eyes or perhaps even an embrace. Nothing.

Michelangelo stood next to Donatello on his other side, he hadn't been sitting on the couch during the news nor did he sit now. He too did not face Donatello; he was probably lost in his own memories and thoughts. Tears had been running down his cheeks, though they'd stopped now. Compared to Donatello's cheeks, they were still wet. Donatello had yet to cry; he still had troubles with comprehending the news.

Leonardo is dead?

Dead as in forever gone? Would he never see him again?

No, that could not be true. Leonardo was unbeatable, strong, fearless, and probably one of the best ninja there was… his brother. He couldn't be dead.

Suddenly Donatello felt his breath get caught in his throat and it felt like choking him for a moment. If he were to cry, he'd rather do it alone in his room. Shakily he got up from the couch. Now Raphael did give him a glance and Donatello looked back at him.

"I…" he started, not really knowing what he was supposed to say, or wanted to say for that matter. Right now he wanted to be alone. Though he would be lying if he said he didn't want company.

With trembling legs and knees seeming to give out any second Donatello walked very slowly away from his brothers. He continued while he strode, much quieter now: "I'm going back to my ro—" He fell down onto the cold floor, his knees had in the end given out and refused to carry him further. Michelangelo was released from his mind and rushed down to the floor to see to Donatello; Raphael too was worried for Donatello, but sat mostly motionless on the couch.

Michelangelo was met with a forced and unwanted smile; lips trembled to force it down into a neutral frown but without any luck.

"Mikey…" he whispered as his eyes stared intensely at the floor. "I'm… I can't believe…" he said no more, his voice broke down and he finally gave into the truth. He cried, his voice was heard throughout the lair and it echoed somewhat. Tears flooded down his cheeks and his whole body was trembling in Michelangelo's embrace, who was trying half-heartedly to comfort his brother as he also cried.


	4. Chapter 3

Back to the present! No more flashbacks. Also, I felt this chapter was needed, therefore I wrote it. :) I believe I wanted to say something deep with this chapter to you readers, something about death and similar.

Warning: brotherly love in one bed (no, it's not like you think. Don't worry. C:)

You know the disclaiming; I do not own the ninja turtles.

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Chapter 3

Donatello woke up by the quiet sound of somebody stepping closer to his bed. He groaned soundlessly when that somebody got into bed and snuggled into his embrace under the blanket. The bed creaked slightly and moved a little by the motion, but other than that the night went quickly silent again.

He did not bother opening his eyes to look for who it was; it was no longer necessary since this had become a habit of Michelangelo's. For a few weeks now, Michelangelo had been coming into his room every single night and slept in Donatello's arms. The older brother supposed he felt alone and hurt because of Leonardo's death and did not have the heart to tell him to go away. At first he had done this actually, because he had needed to grief alone, but Michelangelo's stubbornness did not stop him from asking again, and again. Eventually Donatello's room had now become their room.

Donatello felt his lips tug up into a smile. In all honesty, it wasn't so bad sharing a bed with his younger brother. Although he was tougher than him and somewhat stronger, not to mention smarter in every way, it was nice to have someone next to him so that he would not be alone. He felt, strangely enough, safe.

The bed creaked once more when Michelangelo cuddled closer to Donatello's body, craving more of his warmth and protection, like if he was afraid of the deadly and hurtful darkness. Without any complains, Donatello turned around to lie on his side and wrapped his arms firmly around his brother, telling him he was there for him in case of danger. Michelangelo let a sigh of relief escape him as he slowly drifted to sleep. Soon the room was filled by soft snores. Donatello, however, did not fall asleep. Not yet.

Poor Michelangelo. Although everyone had taken Leonardo's death hard, Donatello believed Michelangelo had been most hurt by it. Being the youngest of them, he's the most innocent (he thought so at least) and therefore more vulnerable. Things like death might occur to him harder than one might think. Donatello could only imagine the pain he was going through right now. Michelangelo was no longer his cheery old self, instead he was quiet and withdrawn, rarely talked and even less cracked a smile. He usually sought empty spaces and rarely talked to anyone. Donatello believed he was the only one Michelangelo still trusted in and talked to, other than master Splinter. He refused to talk to Raphael at any cost, he avoided the red masked turtle the best he could.

Of course, now that Donatello thought about it. Raphael might be the one that took Leonardo's death the hardest. Just like Michelangelo, he was no longer his old self, well not always. At some times he was being completely quiet and Donatello found him often relaxing in front of the TV instead of beating up his punch-bag. Well, he was still aggressive and broke things whenever he had a minor break-down; this had not changed that much really. With Michelangelo now avoiding and hating him, it was like losing two brothers at the same time. Oh, the emptiness he must feel.

Donatello made a mental note to talk to Raphael in the morning. He did not really know what he was supposed to say, but he might eventually figure something out. He was willing to do anything to make his brother feel somewhat better in this time of mental chaos; for Michelangelo too of course, and master Splinter if he wished.

"Mikey?" he whispered. Unfortunately he did not remember fast enough that Michelangelo had already fallen asleep. He had not wanted to wake his brother up, although now it was too late. While he regretted he said anything at all, Michelangelo did wake up slowly, making a sleepy moan in the progress.

"Mmm?" was the quiet reply.

"I was just wondering…" he started, but hesitated immediately. Donatello thought about if he should let his question go and let Michelangelo sleep. Perhaps it wasn't such a good idea, but he could practically feel Michelangelo's attention directed at him while waiting for his question. It was too late now and Donatello was far too curious to wait until morning to ask him.

"What happened over there? Why are you like this to Raphael?" he tested.

It became silent once more; it was a heavy silence, with Michelangelo pondering his answer and Donatello regretting his stupid question and at the same time for waking his brother up. After moments of silence, Michelangelo spoke quietly:

"I hate him for what he did to Leo. He killed him."

One could hear the hatred in his voice, the hurt and resentment. This made Donatello's heart break; to hear those words come from Michelangelo… one would never have thought he was able to utter such words, not like this, until now.

"I know that's not true, Raphael did not kill him. That's absurd," he replied back.

"He might as well have!" Michelangelo raised his voice some. "The way he just left him alone to die, also he also kept me from helping Leo… He killed him!"

"Mikey…" he tried to calm him down, though it did not really help.

"You were unconscious! How would you possibly know?" Michelangelo struggled away from Donatello's embrace and sat up in the bed. Even through the thick darkness in the room, Donatello knew Michelangelo glared down at him, as well as his eyes began to water from frustration.

Donatello sat up as well with a tired sigh, placing a comforting hand on his brother's shoulder.

"Because I know Raphael would never do that. Listen to yourself Mikey, you're not being reasonable. Raphael loved Leonardo, as much as you and I did- …I mean do," he gulped, fearing for Michelangelo's reaction to this. When he did not give a reply to his mistake, or even noticing it, Donatello continued: "He is the last one that ever would be able to kill him, despite his violent actions and hot-blooded temper, you know that deep inside," Donatello said softly, although still strictly.

Michelangelo became silent. He regretted his choice of words, even though he still believed in what he had said. That was still the truth from him.

It was horrible to see Leonardo tell him goodbye with tears in his eyes, before he went off to fight the enemy. Raphael had gone to take an out cold Donatello and a crying Michelangelo to safety. He had refused to let the youngest brother go after Leonardo and help him, no matter how much he struggled against his hold.

Now this is the result. Everything has changed. Leonardo is dead.

Michelangelo hugged his brother.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into Donatello's chest. The older brother smiled softly and patted the younger's head.

"Don't worry about it. I know you don't really mean what you say, dummy." With a relaxing sigh and an inaudible "yeah" Michelangelo lay down on the bed again. Donatello got up from the bed. This got him a questioning look from his brother, but Donatello smiled reassuring back at him.

"I'll go get another blanket from your bed," he said. "I'll come back soon, try to go back to sleep."

When stepping outside his room, Raphael was standing outside. He glanced at Donatello and Donatello met his eyes. The purple masked turtle felt his breath get caught in his throat. Had he heard everything? If so, then everything Michelangelo had said…

"Have you… Did you hear what we said?" he carefully asked, bowing down his head only slightly in embarrassment. He somehow feared for what the answer would be. Eventually, after some seconds of worry from Donatello's side, Raphael shook his head.

"What? Did you talk about who ate the last piece of pizza? Because, yes, it was me, the truth is out," he joked, letting a grin form. Donatello smiled as well, relieved.

"Yeah, well, that's great. Good night Raph," he said and then went on his way to get the blanket.

Raphael stood still for a moment, before Donatello was out of sight. Slowly he walked back to his own bed, with his head hanging low. He felt the urge to punch something rising.

…

Soon Donatello was on his way back to his room and Michelangelo. The extra blanket was held by both of his hands; it was a rather big blanket Michelangelo owned.

When stepping into his room he saw that Michelangelo was already sleeping deeply. He smiled; as an older brother, it always soothed him to know Michelangelo could sleep without trouble. He tenderly placed the big blanket over his sleeping brother, careful not to accidently wake him up a second time. Then he crawled back into his side of the bed. Michelangelo immediately moved closer to Donatello, who gladly opened his arms.

Though he did not fall asleep yet, not yet.

He wondered why he wasn't as sad as Michelangelo and Raphael, who grieved over their oldest brother every second of the day. Donatello himself hadn't changed that much in personality and behavior. He was still the lovable dork who fiddled with his machines.

Why didn't he grief as much as his brothers? Did he not care for Leonardo?

He shook his head thoughtlessly, which made Michelangelo groan in his sleep and for a moment Donatello thought he was going to wake up. He did not, and Donatello let out a sigh of relief. He really needed to start thinking through his momentarily actions.

Well, back to his thoughts…

No, this was not true. Of course he cared for Leonardo, lots and lots. The four of them were very close brothers and it was no exception between Leonardo and Donatello.

So why didn't he grief as much as the others?

Donatello pondered over this question for a while, while Michelangelo snored softly in his embrace, quite happy about sleeping with Donatello and dreaming about awesome monsters.

Perhaps he did not feel as strong for his death because he wasn't conscious when it happened? Raphael had probably tried his best to change Leonardo's mind and Michelangelo had struggled against Raphael's hold to go after Leonardo and fight with him. He himself was unconscious, happily unknowing about the drama that went on between them. When he later that day woke up and they had told him and master Splinter about what had happened during the mission. Well, it was obvious he cried his heart out. His brother was dead and he never had the chance to say goodbye to him.

But maybe it's harder to say goodbye sometimes?

Donatello shrugged softly, this time careful not to wake Michelangelo up with sudden movements, and decided not to think about this anymore.

After all, people grief in different ways.

* * *

Nothing really happens in this chapter (I'm sorry), but, as I said, I felt it somewhat necessary.


End file.
